Supportive Parenting for Fatherless Children
Supportive parenting is not always defined by having the father present. I have found that support can come from a variety of people and places. From my experience as a single mother, I have looked to something bigger than me to navigate me to find the support that my children need in their growth process. I choose my faith. I am not sure what you will choose but you should consider having a strategic approach that will serve as a foundation to parenting your children without a physical father in their lives. The approach you choose will serve you on the journey of rearing fatherless children.
You have been Entrusted
The very first thing that I want to mention as I reflect on the assignment of parenting, is that you are chosen for the job! You have been entrusted to carry in your womb, your children. To guide them, love them, discipline them, and nurture them into the purposes that they are to fulfill on this earth. It is important that you agree that you can do this. There are days that you may not trust that you are equipped to parent or truthfully, that you want to parent, however, you have been chosen. There is something in you that can be used and multiplied through your children. Please take the posture and power to agree that you have been chosen and you accept the assignment.
2. Create a Homey Home
Creating an environment that is home for you and your children is another thing you can do to support your family. Many children without fathers present can feel that there is something missing. They can feel that it is always better to be at the neighbor’s house or their best friend’s house. Creating spaces that are conducive to your child(ren)’s personality and the energy that you want to cultivate in your home is important. I have created spaces for art, reading, television and gaming, along with music so that all of my children can feel supported in their hobbies.
3. Establish a Support Team (Village)
We cannot discuss supportive parenting without expressing the need to have a support system. Many people believe the old saying it takes a village to raise a child. Back when I was growing up in the early 80’s, the entire neighborhood was responsible for the children. I would walk home from the bus stop and several neighbors would ensure that I arrived home safely and had an afternoon snack until my mother came home. In today’s society, the support system may look a bit different. Examples of that support can be sharing carpooling responsibilities, cooking freezer meals together one weekend and sharing the costs, swapping babysitting duties or other trade and bartering ideas. If you do not have a village, I would recommend that you start to seek one. You can do this by getting to know other moms in your neighborhood, church, community Facebook page, etc.
4. You are NOT the Father
Yes, we have established that God has entrusted you to parent your children with His help and guidance. This does not mean that you are the father. I remember back in the early 90’s the Maury Show was always stating that one liner- You are NOT the Father. Well our children, no matter male or female, seek guidance from the male perspective. That is not something that you can give them. My recommendation would be that you provide opportunities for your children to interact with male figures from your family, church, or other organizations. Organizations like Big Brothers Big Sisters can be a great resource. My word of caution is to make sure that the male figure has healthy and positive influences to impact your children.
5. Create Boundaries & Routines
Boundaries and routines are a great way to support your children. They learn this at an early age in school and reinforcing this at home is essential. Children love structure and want to feel in control. Having set times for bedtime, chores, devotions, recreation, family time, etc. is a good way to help them understand time management. Boundaries reflect your family’s moral code of conduct. Clearly set and explain rules. It is also good to create rules together as the children get older. One rule we have in the house is that everyone has an assigned laundry day and the person who cooks dinner does not do the dishes. The most important thing is to make sure that everyone follows them, and if not, the consequences are clear and fair.
